Sex and India

Before I traveled to India, I had a pretty solid idea of what to expect. Great food, hot weather, lots of hassling by touts, and kids playing cricket on every block. None of these have been anything less than I imagined, however there has been one aspect of Indian culture which has totally blindsided me: their attitudes towards sex. It really shouldn't have, after all this is the country that came up with the Karma Sutra, but having never really had any romantic link with anyone of Indian heritage, I was completely ignorant of anything more than the shallowest aspects of their sexual culture. However, having arrived here it is now patently obvious that not only is sex a huge part of Indian society, but it is also as integral to their struggle to progress from the developing world to the first world as any financial factors. I'd originally planned to write about this in my first blog post on India, but given the recent assault on the Swiss backpacker (which occurred shockingly close to where I was at the time), and the sheer volume of the issue, I thought I'd share with you my own perspective on what is now an issue of global concern.

Before I deal with the issue of rape, I’ll attempt to paint a picture of the sexual attitudes that tend to pervade Indian society, as without this, it’s hard to truly put the culture of rape into proper perspective. I'll remind that these are the observations of a guy who has only been in the country for a month, and that I am in no way generalising the people of India into this one stereotype, I am merely reporting what I consider to be the pervasive attitudes among the general population.

Historically speaking, India appears to actually be blessed with one of the healthier cultures regarding sexual attitudes. Unlike the Catholic and Islamic religions, the Hindu religion actively encourages sex. The Karma Sutra is an integral part of the Hindu religion, and it is integrated not just into their teachings, but also their temples.

In a church this'd just be another picture of Jesus.

Ok, maybe not every aspect is healthy.

One theory behind the inclusion of sexual scenes on Hindu temples is for people getting ready to worship to be able to indulge themselves in sexual thoughts before entering the temple, so that it is out of their system once they enter and can therefore focus on the spiritual aspect of their lives. Sure, this theory may be severely flawed, and it doesn't account for the sexual scenes inside the temples, but at least the Hindu church recognises and accounts for peoples' natural sexual urges, rather than repressing them and ignoring them like so many other theologies. 

Another aspect that appears to be healthy, is the role of women in divinity. In the bible, with the exception of the Virgin Mary, who essentially plays the role of Holy vessel, women aren't portrayed too well.  From being responsible for original sin (Eve), to being deceitful hairdressers (Delilah), or just being adulterous prostitutes (Mary Magdelene), women get a pretty bad rap. The images of God are always that of a male, and through the actual teachings of the church women are generally excluded from any sort of position of power (the recent Papal election was described by some Pastors as 'A complete sausage-fest'). The Hindu religion on the other hand holds females in quite high esteem as far as their deities are concerned. Hindu God's can be portrayed in both male and female forms, sometimes both simultaneously, with the God's characteristics and strengths drawn from both genders.

Sadly all this egalitarianism is undone with the inclusion of arranged marriages as a corner stone of Hindu and Indian culture. I can't comment on how this has historically shaped Indian attitudes, but I can hazard a guess. As far as I can tell, the Karma Sutra appears to have been invented as a method of making marriages arranged for social status, rather than love or passion, bear children. It's effectively the three glasses of wine, Barry White, and mood lighting of Indian romance, a method to ignite passion between two complete strangers. Perhaps this method used to work. You will hear anecdotal evidence from many people championing the success of Indian marriages over western marriages, and I'm not going to make the assumption that young lustful heads make wise decisions regarding lasting compatibility and happiness. For all I know this system of parental designation of life partner was superior to our western version of free choice. Was...

To understand why this system is breaking down, and why, in my opinion, it is contributing to the increasingly poisonous culture of gender relations, is that thanks to modern technology, cultures can no longer live in a vacuum. Barring an oppressive government that monitors media consumption, all cultures are increasingly able to freely access information about other cultures, with this usually meaning an influx of western ideals into the other parts of the world (and an influx of Japanese game shows and crazy Russian antics into the west). In India, this has manifested itself in the form of dissidence between the roll of men as a husband in a prechosen relationship, and men as the sexually nefarious beasts as portrayed in western pop culture.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. If you consider the sexual liberalisation of western culture to be a good thing (which in my opinion it most definitely is), then surely the introduction of such a good concept to a culture that as of yet doesn't possess it can only be a good thing. However the downfall of this idea is that the west came up with the sexual revolution organically. The sexual revolution was tied in with massive financial growth, economic equality, women's rights, race rights, and many other major social reforms, which meant that sexual freedom was grasped by all members of society in some form or another, and there was very little exploitation as a result.

Sadly this contrasts with India, whose development is far less uniform than that experienced by western countries in the 20th Century. This has occurred because as the western nations advanced there was very little outside influence impacting the way they progressed, whereas India's development is intricately tied in with the Western world. This has resulted in massive increases in the nations' wealth...for some, and a shift in social values from traditional to western...for some. In my opinion it's this sudden inorganic shift from one to another, based purely on the observation of another nations culture, rather than a fully thought out and naturally achieved cultural shift, which has led to a culture where women are finding themselves increasingly treated as objects, as men chase extramarital affairs, and premarital relationships, while still expecting their arranged wives to fulfill their traditional duties. While only a small sample size, I have heard this attitude echoed by quite a few guys who I have met in my short time in India, with the idea of a husband seeing prostitutes or just having girlfriends on the side seemingly completely acceptable.

I have mentioned how I feel that the Indian sexual revolution is quite shallow, and the result of an inorganic external influence, rather than a natural social progression towards more liberal values, as seen in most of the western world. This opinion has been formed by the many conversations I've had with guys over here. One of the more bizarre questions I've received multiple times is 'Have you ever had a one night stand?'. It's not the question itself that is particularly weird, it's the wide eyed responses you get when they find out you have, and the almost mystical weight they give to this deed. This will not paint a very flattering picture, and I repeat, this doesn't refer to everyone I've met, or the entire population, but the sexual maturity levels of Indian young adults seems to be about that of a 13 year old. A few examples of this behaviour are:

*A guy showing me a picture on his phone of a woman's breasts in two separate ice-cream glasses, with cream and chocolate sauce dribbled down them which he gleefully proclaimed as 'Ice Cream Sundae!!!'

*A group of about 20 men all having their minds blown by the fact I've had more than ten girlfriends in my life, which made me some sort of sexual God in their eyes (to be fair though, they're not too choosy about God's here).

*Some attempts of guys to pick up one of friends by sending her invitations over CouchSurfing. Here is one of quite a few she received:

"Hi,
Are you looking out for a casual relation with enjoyment? Let me know then we can plan for a meeting.
Regards,
Rahul"

She also received this email. It doesn't really add to my point, but it needed to be shared:

" hi
Hi..
How are you..
At such a tender age you are travelling all alone..i am very new to CS..
I think you can be my first guest..I invite only females..and just females..
I host them..take them to places..and have fun with them..
If you are fond of lesbian partner..then come and have me..
so when are you coming..
Nikki.."

*The assumption (which to be fair is shared in a lot of male dominated societies) that if a white guy is hanging out with a white girl, he is having sex with her, and that if he isn't, then the Indian who enquired now has dibs to have sex with her as long as the white guy approves.

On one hand I want to say that the male Indian attitudes towards sex are juvenile, and quite naive, but unfortunately this would ignore the power they possess in Indian society, and the more sinister aspect that their perceptions take on with this associated power. This is a country where the man is without a doubt in charge. As the culture develops women are becoming more educated, and in pockets, equality is being reached, but as a whole, there is still a major issue regarding gender equality. For example, you'll notice that I haven't mentioned any opinions I have gathered from women I've met in my travels. That's because you never bloody meet any! In Mumbai I was waiting at a train station for a friend to pick me up, when it occurred to me that I could see about 10,000 people, and only one woman: an old lady begging on a corner. Interestingly this is completely contrasted to my experience in the rest of the world, where the Indian people I have met have been a pretty even mix of male and female. I can't help but feel that one of the overlooked aspects to the Indian brain drain (the issue of India's brightest people moving abroad and staying abroad), is that intelligent people don't want their daughters to grow up in a country where they will be second class citizens.

The photo above broke my heart. It's of my 'friend' Rakesh's wife (he was my friend until he demanded money from me). This is a representation of the typical life of the lower class Indian female. Her day is essentially spent in this one room, cooking and cleaning for her husband, and her husband's associates. The whole time I spent at her house, she was in this room, with the one exception of the time she was upstairs hanging up the clothes. She was given away last year in an arranged marriage, and as far as I can tell, her life will now revolve around kids and domestic chores. It made me sick to hand her my dishes after she'd cooked our dinner, and be told by Rakesh not to even try and clean up anything afterwards. I grew up in a household where my mother was the chief breadwinner. My parents shared their parental and domestic duties brilliantly, but the idea that any of those duties would, or should, be preordained by sex is not only moronic, but dangerous. But she has no voice. Rakesh tells her what to do, then she does it. Any rebellion on her part would lead to reprisals not just from Rakesh, but from any of the males in their close knit community. The town where the Swiss girl was raped was only a short distance away from where Rakesh lived, and I imagine the people responsible for the rape would've been the same sort of farming town people as Rakesh. While I'm definitely not insinuating Rakesh, or even any other people in his town, are potential rapists, you can see how the devaluation of women into an inferior class makes the jump to rape a much more likely eventuality than in a society where they are treated equally. 

The last relevant aspect of Indian culture which I will mention, is that of their Libertarian society. As with a lot of developing nations during their exponential economic growth stages, the Indian society is essentially operated by Libertarian ideals. With money, anything is possible in India, and for money, anything can be done. An example of this is one scam I very likely have been lured by. The scam goes as follows:

An Indian girl sends an invitation to a western male (in my case over CouchSurfing) indicating her desire to experience a romantic liaison with someone exotic. The two of them agree to meet up for a drink, go back to her house, perhaps even have sex, and then, amazingly, the police are knocking at the door, and the girl is crying rape. Only with a considerable 'fine' can the male leave and avoid being officially charged. 

While I assume this scam is predominantly run on foreigners, it is also run on local men from higher castes, further muddying the waters of an already complex sexual culture. Not only is the rape complaint sector of law enforcement filled with fraudulent cases, it feels like the perception here is that rape is only something that concerns the sensibilities of foreigners. Indian's are very good at profiting off the 'weaknesses' of westerners, with traits such as politeness, trust, and the very British/Australian refusal to cause a scene, being constantly manipulated by the locals to squeeze out every last rupee. I can't help but feel there is an element of this with rape, in that it is seen as something that doesn't really capture the concern of Indian society, but that they recognise its' importance to the outside world. This last point may be somewhat of a stretch, but there is no denying the fact that the perception of rape in this country is far off that of the western world. And as an extension of that, the idea of a woman's body, or her sexual favours, being sold for money, is not only commonly practiced  but something that tends to fit quite well into a culture where people have very few limits when it comes to an opportunity to earn rupees.

When considering all these aspects that are ingrained into the Indian sexual culture, it becomes easy to see how rape could be as prevalent as reports seem to be indicating. It's hard to get a true picture of exactly how serious the statistics are, as even in western countries, the reporting of rape is still a work in progress, and one of the trickiest forms of law enforcement to enact. But one thing is for sure. In a country with a corrupt police force, a silenced female population, and a male population that is both at once juvenile in its' understanding of sex, but sophisticated in its'control of distributing it, it should come as no surprise that rape is emerging as such a serious and ingrained problem.

Having painted such a bleak picture, I will say that I think India has taken the first step to confronting this problem. The fact that the outrage of women finally has a voice, on both the international and national stage, is a good sign. This finally gives women a foothold with which to finally make the issue heard, but it will be a long trip from there. The statistic being thrown around currently is one rape in India every twenty minutes, which is truly horrendous, but let's not forget that in western countries our rape statistics are still sickening. Until they read zero it's still disgusting. But at least it seems the first steps towards women's liberation may be stirring, and India can begin its' journey to join the developed world not just financially, but also socially.